Whoop Ass Can Opener
LIMITED EDITION: BEAST BARBELL
With wider frames, longer arms, and bigger lenses than our OGs, these babies are designed to complement and fit beasters with larger melons at the gym and happy hour.
BIGGER FRAMES, BETTER COVERAGE.
1 NO SLIP
A larger frame size with more lens coverage for all you beasts with gargantuan craniums the size of sputnik.
2 NO BOUNCE
Lighter and more durable frame material that eliminates bouncing even with a bigger frame.
3 ALL POLARISED
Glare-reducing, polarised lenses and UV400 protection that blocks 100% of those harmful UVA and UVB rays.
4 REFLECTIVE LENSES
Mirrored lenses to obscure the sinister look in your eyes without losing the ability to clearly see obstacles in bright light.
5 NO DEMOGORGANS
100% Guarantee against Demogorgon attacks. *Guarantee not applicable for any gainz taking place in the Upside Down.
The sunglasses are a can opener. You're a can. The whoop-ass is the soda. When you move around, you create tiny CO2 bubbles in the whoop-ass, like shaking a can creates tiny CO2 bubbles in the soda. Putting on these sunnies is like opening that can. PSSSHHH! BOOM! The whoop-ass spirit EXPLODES, so you can CRUSH IT!!! This metaphor is 100% perfect and will win many awards. You're welcome.