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Frequent Skymall Shoppers Origin Story

Frequent Skymall Shoppers Origin Story

 

Jayden and Kayla woke up Christmas morning

And ran to their gifts with elation

That faded when they read a jaded note warning:

“Please lower your damn expectations.”

 

“My elves went on strike, and they make the toys,

I was so mad I punched my wall.

But then I found a magazine and rejoiced --

Here’s some crap from Skymall.”

 

Jayden hoped that what Santa wrote wasn’t true

And his presents would be super neat

But no, he got a Yeti garden statue

And a glow-in-the-dark toilet seat

 

As for Kayla, she felt overwhelming despair

The presents made her want to cry

She got a laser helmet for regrowing hair

And a watch saying what time she’ll die

 

“But wait,” said Jayden. “Let’s go check our stockings!

They might have treats or toy soldiers!”

But the offerings inside the stockings were shocking:

Dog lips and umbrella holders.

 

“Damnit!” said Kayla. “This year is so fucked!”

And just when she was at her maddest,

Jayden found two gifts hiding by the sofa:

Frequent Skymall Shoppers sunglasses

The note said “To Jayden and Kayla from C.,

A flamingo who loves to drink beer

Here’s sunnies, good buddies! Do one thing for me,

Be extremely naughty next year.”

 

THE ORIGINALS

THE SUNNIES THAT STARTED IT ALL

Card

BEST SELLER A woman in a garden fiercely stares off wearing purple sunglasses with green reflective lenses, holding a purple garden trow. Three-quarter angle view of square-shaped sunglasses with purple frames and reflective green polarised lenses.

Gardening With A Kraken

POLARISED Swedish Meatball Hangover-The OGs-RUN goodr-4-goodr sunglasses Swedish Meatball Hangover-The OGs-RUN goodr-1-goodr sunglasses

Swedish Meatball Hangover

POLARISED A woman in a bright orange outfit stands on a football field wearing bright orange sunglasses with blue mirrored lenses. Three-quarter angle view of translucent bright orange sunglasses with blue reflective lenses on a white background.

Donkey Goggles

ORIGIN STORIES

THE STORY BEHIND THE SHADES

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